Etiquette

So a couple of weeks ago I was having lunch with a couple of my girlfriends and we started talking how the weather was getting warmer and it was time to bring out the sandals, skirts, and dresses. Given that winter in the Midwest can feel like winter in Siberia, legs and feet go into hibernation. Prior to spring there are specific grooming needs that must be attended to prior to coming out for spring, namely a pedi and a good leg shaving. So as we show each other our scary cave woman legs we start talking about how we maintain; shaving vs. waxing vs. threading, etc. (Note: the threading discussion was strictly with regards to facial hair. I mean seriously people waxing is torture enough, having to have each individual leg hair pulled out... we can leave that to Dick Cheney who believes in military torture). So as I discuss my need to make an appointment to have my legs waxed prior to Easter (I was planning to wear a skirt) a whole new discussion emerged.

I have had my legs waxed a few times before but it had been years since the last time I had them waxed until this past February. As I shared this with my friends I knew the pending question that was looming in the air. Why did I get them done in February?... "It was my Valentine's Day/ Birthday gift to my husband".... Huh?... "Well I figured if I was going to get my lower bits done I might as well get my legs done as well"... Seriously?... "Yes"... Doesn't that hurt?... "Yes! it hurts a lot, but it has its benefits. I mean I did it as I gift for my husband and low and behold I got a present out of it too (Definitely worth it!)"... So what's the protocol for that, I mean do you shower first?... "I don't know? I did...."

Later that week one of my friends and I went out for drinks and she admitted that she is now very intrigued and may have to go and get waxed. Well this conversation made me think about what is the etiquette for going in to get your wax on. I think the bottom line is, it's the same as you would go through before going to see the gynecologist minus the grooming, because obviously that is why you are there.

But is their other Etiquette, because lets face it, that shit hurts. Can you scream? What do you do if you have to fart? There you are lying on a table having someone spread hot wax on your, in the words of my fav comedian Chelsea Handler, coslopus and then ripping the hair off of it. Pulling your lip this way and that, moving your leg here and there to get a better angle, and finally the creme de la creme the BUTT. Yup, depending on the wax you get the butt is part of the package and let me tell you lying on your side holding your butt cheeks apart is not only highly uncomfortable it is a whole new level of let me show you my bits. On the up side it is the least painful of the whole waxing experience, but clearly the most awkward.

I think the best solution is to have someone you like and who makes you feel comfortable. I got lucky, my first full service wax was done by a pro who kept me talking and laughing the whole time. Despite the posh feel of spa she told me I was free to yell if I needed to, cause she knew it hurt. She let me know when it would hurt the most and when I was almost done. It was kind of like being coached through the whole thing and best of all she was funny. She talked to me about getting into waxing and about how when she started they didn't do the full service wax. She even said that once while in school she left crying and telling her teacher that if she had another pube touch her that did not belong to her or someone she is sleeping with she was going to go crazy. Her humor put me at ease and while it did not ease the pain it made the situation less uncomfortable.

So here is my basic etiquette for waxing:
1. Clean as you would for a trip for to the gynecologist
2. Find someone who makes you feel comfortable because they are going to see all of your junk and then some.
3. Scream if you want, what is the worst that could happen?
4. Be kind and clean you behind.
5. Give notice if you think you are going to fart. There is nothing worst than farting in the face of someone who is inches away wielding wax and ripping out hair in highly sensitive areas (you wouldn't want to piss that person off. And NO I did NOT do this. This is a basic people).
6. Bring baby wipes. They help for the last minute pre-clean and they can be helpful after, especially if you are going somewhere, you tend to be a bit sticky despite the wax remover stuff. It just never seems to get it all.

Have fun girls... Go forth and get waxed!