So a couple of months ago a good friend of mine from college, who also happens to be one of my favorite gay friends (which will prove to be vital information as your read forward) asked me to consider blogging about spanking, specifically getting slapped on the ass during sex. He asked "whats up with the spank on the ass in pornos when doing it doggie style... its never happened to me, you?" For myself, I can say a smack on the ass is not a regular part of my sex life but in the interest of doing thorough research, I decided to ask my friends: straight, gay, and bisexual alike and this is what I got.
When you look at porn, girls get spanked on the ass all the time and they seem to like it. I mean their asses are bright red and marred with hand prints and yet they are still moaning and groaning over it. If it were me I wouldn't be able to sit down the next day my ass would be so bruised. As I said, a smack on the ass is not really my thing. So, I am thinking about this from my heterosexual vision of porn I am thinking that well yeah, girls get smacked on the ass all the time when they are getting it from behind and then it dawns on me... This is a gay man who is asking me this question, and when do I have this epiphany... when I am having sex with my husband. Yup right there in the middle of having sex I stop and go "OH MY GOD NOW I GET WHAT HE MEANT" (specifically the "its never happened to me, you?" part). Yup that's was me. Genius! At least I wasn't doing it doggie style at the time, I think I would have went running out of the room. I find it even funnier given the relationship this friend has always had with my husband. I guess you kind of have to be in the "know" to get that one. My husband of course, just to be an jerk, spanked my ass the next time we did it doggie style and asked how my research was coming. What an ass.
Back to the question... to spank or not to spank? For me I say no. I don't need my ass spanked during sex thank you very much. My husband will spank it on occasion when I am walking around out of nowhere, or we will spank each other to piss each other off. Spanking during sex is not something that I need, quite frankly I don't need a red ass, and I don't need my husband's hand imprinted on my ass.
OK as I said my experience with porn is straight porn, but in those porns those women's asses are bright red, so I am assuming in gay porn the same in true of the men's asses. If I am wrong please feel free to correct me but being a mom with two small children and limited time to have sex/ watch porn for my own pleasure I am not trying to find time to check out a gay porn. Sorry guys.
So off to the peanut gallery to see what they think...
Sassy Pineapple (straight single female)- To spank. Not terribly surprising... so then I ask "to spank all the time of just some of the time." she smiled coyly and replied, "all the time".
Pipes (straight married female)- So we are out for drinks when I present the question to her "To spank or not to spank?". She looks at me across the table like I am crazy and says "Are you for real? Don't spank me, I don't need to be spanked on the ass. If anyone is going to be doing the spanking it is going to be! Verdict?... Not to Spank
From my gay friends that I asked I got mixed reviews. Clearly my friend who asked the question is not down with the spanking, but my other friends were a mixed bag. One friend I am going to call Happy E said he only had one boyfriend that wanted to spank so that was when I did it. So I guess Happy E is a spanker when asked and will be spanked when requested. He is so versatile.
When I asked my bisexual and lesbian friends their responses was again mixed. One friend, the original margarita Thursday gal, commented on grabbing versus spanking saying that she loves to grab an ass or have hers grabbed instead of spanked. (Interestingly my husband also said he would rather grab my ass than spank it and that works for me)
So the general consensus is that it is up to you. If you like to get spanked get spanked and if you don't don't, and if you like to get spanked with certain people and not with others then more power to you. "To spank or not to spank?" At the end of the day it is a personal question, my ass, I don't want it spanked, grab it all you want, but don't spank it.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Sex: For love, for pleasure, to get shit done around the house
SEX...such a powerful three letter word. It can signify love, commitment, a good time. It can define women as beautiful, sexy, dirty, whore... three little letters and so much power. And then there are the ways that sex affects a relationship who gets the power, if you are married and your a woman, you do. Allelujah! For once we have the upper hand. Seriously girls your don't even have to be good at it (NO not speaking of personal experience, I even checked to make sure), every guy I have asked has agreed good or bad you can get them to do shit with the power of sex.
My husband and I have been together for 12 years and been married for 8, our longest dry spell was about 4 months because I was super pissed at him and refused to give it up. That was a couple of years ago and at the time we should have taken out stock in astro glide. But seriously, at present while not pissed I am not getting any because my husband refuses to complete basic tasks around the house. For instance mowing the back yard. He does the front but not the back (and not this is not some gross metaphor, I actually mean the yard at our house). Why on earth do you not mow the front and the back at the same time. Or do one one day and the other the next. Here's the deal when he gets his ass back in gear and starts completing tasks game on, until then he has his astroglide and I have my rabbit.It got so bad I even bartered with the ever coveted BJ, not my cup of tea, plus I gave one almost everytime we had sex for the first 2 years of our relationship considering we were in our 20's in college with no kids and no commitments and we had sex a couple times a day I think I have put in my time and am done, except for special occasion (which of course I deem special), and the man still did not get the yard done. So now me and my rabbit are going to town because the hubs can't get his shit together. SERIOUSLY!
So he bitches and moans about not getting any and still is not completing the tasks he says he will. AHHHHHH! Hunny get your shit together I have needs too and while the rabbit is good woman, like men, want SEX. Yes I can hold out longer than you can and I do in the hopes that you do the shit around the house that you are asked to do. To his credit he has finally gotten the yard taken care of, although the weeds need some serious work and sadly he as not gotten any because I have been sick for week now (I really do feel bad about that), but on the other hand he has left the kitchen a mess for three days in a row and needs to put Monkey's desk together and Bear's dresser together. I hope it gets done soon (for both of our sakes) or else me and my rabbit are going out for another date.
My husband and I have been together for 12 years and been married for 8, our longest dry spell was about 4 months because I was super pissed at him and refused to give it up. That was a couple of years ago and at the time we should have taken out stock in astro glide. But seriously, at present while not pissed I am not getting any because my husband refuses to complete basic tasks around the house. For instance mowing the back yard. He does the front but not the back (and not this is not some gross metaphor, I actually mean the yard at our house). Why on earth do you not mow the front and the back at the same time. Or do one one day and the other the next. Here's the deal when he gets his ass back in gear and starts completing tasks game on, until then he has his astroglide and I have my rabbit.It got so bad I even bartered with the ever coveted BJ, not my cup of tea, plus I gave one almost everytime we had sex for the first 2 years of our relationship considering we were in our 20's in college with no kids and no commitments and we had sex a couple times a day I think I have put in my time and am done, except for special occasion (which of course I deem special), and the man still did not get the yard done. So now me and my rabbit are going to town because the hubs can't get his shit together. SERIOUSLY!
So he bitches and moans about not getting any and still is not completing the tasks he says he will. AHHHHHH! Hunny get your shit together I have needs too and while the rabbit is good woman, like men, want SEX. Yes I can hold out longer than you can and I do in the hopes that you do the shit around the house that you are asked to do. To his credit he has finally gotten the yard taken care of, although the weeds need some serious work and sadly he as not gotten any because I have been sick for week now (I really do feel bad about that), but on the other hand he has left the kitchen a mess for three days in a row and needs to put Monkey's desk together and Bear's dresser together. I hope it gets done soon (for both of our sakes) or else me and my rabbit are going out for another date.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
New Rules of Courting in Digital Age
In talking with my single friends it is clear the rules of dating have changed in this digital age. I mean just a phone call can go to a variety of places. There is the home phone, cell phone, work phone, work cell phone I mean where the hell do you even tell a person to call. Does it depend on where and how you meet or how interested you are in the person. From there you have texting. These little messages back and forth between people which can lead to sexting, sexy little messages back and forth to each other. That plus facebook, MySpace, blogs, dating websites with winks and pokes, how does one sift through it all.
The phone... In general we have 2-4 phones (home, cell, work, work cell). In the past when one met someone they were interested in they got their number, called if interested and went out for coffee, drinks, or dinner depending on their interests. If things go really well you go out for breakfast too, but that is another topic... back to phone calls. Now it seems phone calls are almost non existent. It seems like they have been replaced by texting. So is texting the new phone call?
Since I am not dating I asked my friends and this is what I got. Phone calls are still important and necessary however texting can be an added perk, if used right. If not it is a sign disinterest or of interest in bootycall only. texting with no phone call is not a sign of true interest. Coming from a single male, if a guy is interested he will call. If he wants a booty call he will text to set up an appointment, unless it is spur of the moment then a phone call for a booty call may occur.
With the onset of Skype, which I love, we can see the people we are talking to on the phone, great for long distance relationships. I seriously wish we had this when my husband and I started dating. After the first year of our relationship we spent a year 2000 miles apart. Skype would have come in very handy. Skype can be a great resource for long distance relationships, I know friends of ours loved being able to see and talk to each other for free while studying and working in different countries. Recently I heard Skype has also taken phone sex to a whole new level when Kendra Wilkinson Baskett (Yes Kendra from Girls Next Door and Kendra) said that Skype sex helped her relationship. Well I can only imagine how awkward it would be if my husband's roommate had walked in on that. But Skype really seems like the "next" step in a relationship and in relationship technology.
Now-a-days more and more people are meeting people on dating websites and social networking sites. So on these sites you can "wink", "poke", "friend" or whatever on these sites to show your interest in someone. Your write on someones wall, post something to someones page, or send someone an email to "chat" with someone. Personally I am terified of dating sites and I am testy about social networking (I know blogging seems very contradictory) but I am weary of having strangers on the Internet and the information they can get. Random people "friending" me on FaceBook, not my thing, but apparently it is one of many ways to meet and keep in touch with people.
So once the "meet" has occurred is messaging on social networking enough. Is texting and instant messaging enough? Has keeping in touch with someone via technology replaced human interaction. The consensus among women is phone calls are necessary and while texting, emailing, and social networking are great means of "filler" communication or building blocks to a relationship all of that without a phone calls and human contact is not acceptable if the intent is to build a relationship. However, if one is looking for a booty call technology may be the way. Who knows what the future will bring. Right now we have winks, pokes, and flair; next thing you know you'll be able to give virtual blowjobs.
The phone... In general we have 2-4 phones (home, cell, work, work cell). In the past when one met someone they were interested in they got their number, called if interested and went out for coffee, drinks, or dinner depending on their interests. If things go really well you go out for breakfast too, but that is another topic... back to phone calls. Now it seems phone calls are almost non existent. It seems like they have been replaced by texting. So is texting the new phone call?
Since I am not dating I asked my friends and this is what I got. Phone calls are still important and necessary however texting can be an added perk, if used right. If not it is a sign disinterest or of interest in bootycall only. texting with no phone call is not a sign of true interest. Coming from a single male, if a guy is interested he will call. If he wants a booty call he will text to set up an appointment, unless it is spur of the moment then a phone call for a booty call may occur.
With the onset of Skype, which I love, we can see the people we are talking to on the phone, great for long distance relationships. I seriously wish we had this when my husband and I started dating. After the first year of our relationship we spent a year 2000 miles apart. Skype would have come in very handy. Skype can be a great resource for long distance relationships, I know friends of ours loved being able to see and talk to each other for free while studying and working in different countries. Recently I heard Skype has also taken phone sex to a whole new level when Kendra Wilkinson Baskett (Yes Kendra from Girls Next Door and Kendra) said that Skype sex helped her relationship. Well I can only imagine how awkward it would be if my husband's roommate had walked in on that. But Skype really seems like the "next" step in a relationship and in relationship technology.
Now-a-days more and more people are meeting people on dating websites and social networking sites. So on these sites you can "wink", "poke", "friend" or whatever on these sites to show your interest in someone. Your write on someones wall, post something to someones page, or send someone an email to "chat" with someone. Personally I am terified of dating sites and I am testy about social networking (I know blogging seems very contradictory) but I am weary of having strangers on the Internet and the information they can get. Random people "friending" me on FaceBook, not my thing, but apparently it is one of many ways to meet and keep in touch with people.
So once the "meet" has occurred is messaging on social networking enough. Is texting and instant messaging enough? Has keeping in touch with someone via technology replaced human interaction. The consensus among women is phone calls are necessary and while texting, emailing, and social networking are great means of "filler" communication or building blocks to a relationship all of that without a phone calls and human contact is not acceptable if the intent is to build a relationship. However, if one is looking for a booty call technology may be the way. Who knows what the future will bring. Right now we have winks, pokes, and flair; next thing you know you'll be able to give virtual blowjobs.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Landscape or MANscape?
Women spend all kinds of time and money grooming themselves. Be it for haircuts/colors, waxing, threading, or plucking women go to all kinds of measures to make what hair they have look fabulous and make the hair they want to get rid of go away and stay away. So why is it that women go to all of this trouble and men get to be, well men.
For instance, during the race to the Stanley Cup finals the Chicago Blackhawks decided to grow out their beards. For weeks they got hairier and hairier and we all cheered them on. Yet during the winter when I decided to stop shaving my legs for a few weeks my husband asks if I am planning on becoming a mountain man. But when my husband joined the beard brigade, did I bitch, no cause it is expected.
About a week ago my husband posted a link to a website in which a man nearly lost a testicle being waxed for charity. A few days later they talked about it on Chelsea Lately. So it made me think, should men spend more time MANSCAPING?
HELLS TO THE YA! This is not just about keeping up their haircut this is about keeping up all hair. My husband is the perfect example. He is 30 years old and he has grandpa hair on his ears and nose. YUP, that's right he has long hairs growing up the side of his ear (GROSS-- although they are fun to pull on when I am pissed at him) and he gets long grandpa hairs growing out his nose (again fun to pull out when pissed. And while he doesn't have a true unibrow he does need a little shaping and cleaning up about once a year. Now he bitches and moans about this does anyone honestly think he is going to manscape his jewels, I think not.
Well he said he would until he read the article, even asked me to ask my waxing goddess to see if she did men. She does and she reports that the balls are in fact the most sensitive and most likely place to tear away skin. The key in to pull the skin around the ball and taut as possible, because lets face it there is a lot of unneeded junk down there. I haven't met a man who has manscaped the jewels (by waxing) but from my own experience that shit hurts, and given men's tolerance for pain I doubt I will. None the less as women whether we wax, shave, or trim we take care of business down there, all we are requesting is the same.
For instance, during the race to the Stanley Cup finals the Chicago Blackhawks decided to grow out their beards. For weeks they got hairier and hairier and we all cheered them on. Yet during the winter when I decided to stop shaving my legs for a few weeks my husband asks if I am planning on becoming a mountain man. But when my husband joined the beard brigade, did I bitch, no cause it is expected.
About a week ago my husband posted a link to a website in which a man nearly lost a testicle being waxed for charity. A few days later they talked about it on Chelsea Lately. So it made me think, should men spend more time MANSCAPING?
HELLS TO THE YA! This is not just about keeping up their haircut this is about keeping up all hair. My husband is the perfect example. He is 30 years old and he has grandpa hair on his ears and nose. YUP, that's right he has long hairs growing up the side of his ear (GROSS-- although they are fun to pull on when I am pissed at him) and he gets long grandpa hairs growing out his nose (again fun to pull out when pissed. And while he doesn't have a true unibrow he does need a little shaping and cleaning up about once a year. Now he bitches and moans about this does anyone honestly think he is going to manscape his jewels, I think not.
Well he said he would until he read the article, even asked me to ask my waxing goddess to see if she did men. She does and she reports that the balls are in fact the most sensitive and most likely place to tear away skin. The key in to pull the skin around the ball and taut as possible, because lets face it there is a lot of unneeded junk down there. I haven't met a man who has manscaped the jewels (by waxing) but from my own experience that shit hurts, and given men's tolerance for pain I doubt I will. None the less as women whether we wax, shave, or trim we take care of business down there, all we are requesting is the same.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
A Make Out Short List
When SP and I were talking and consulting others on what makes a good make-up I was left with a bunch of tips that did not make the cut so here they are...
Invest in a good lip balm. Chap lips are an absolute no-no. If I feel the peely chappedness of your lips, game over
Each person has their own feelings about facial but no matter the amout, it needs to be maintained. I wax my eye brows and my lip, please show the same respect and do some basic upkeep so my face doesn't break out in a rash.
Keep a pack of gum on you at all times. Good breath is a must. To this day I will make my husband go and brush his teeth if I think he has bad breath before a make-out.
I personally, am anti-smoking, so smokey breath or smoke on your clothes is an instant turn off.
Take care of the stank... BIG, BIG NO-NO. If you smell like funk, stay the fuck away.
Hands... clean manicured. I'm not talking about metrosexual manicured here. I am talking about clean hands, clean trimmed nails. You are going to be touching my face with those hands I want them to be clean. Furthermore I am keeping an eye out cause I may be asking those hands to go on an adventure later. Dirty grimey hands are not wanted on my face, my body, and certainly not on the little lady.
Ok I think that covers the basics... Go forth and suck face!
Invest in a good lip balm. Chap lips are an absolute no-no. If I feel the peely chappedness of your lips, game over
Each person has their own feelings about facial but no matter the amout, it needs to be maintained. I wax my eye brows and my lip, please show the same respect and do some basic upkeep so my face doesn't break out in a rash.
Keep a pack of gum on you at all times. Good breath is a must. To this day I will make my husband go and brush his teeth if I think he has bad breath before a make-out.
I personally, am anti-smoking, so smokey breath or smoke on your clothes is an instant turn off.
Take care of the stank... BIG, BIG NO-NO. If you smell like funk, stay the fuck away.
Hands... clean manicured. I'm not talking about metrosexual manicured here. I am talking about clean hands, clean trimmed nails. You are going to be touching my face with those hands I want them to be clean. Furthermore I am keeping an eye out cause I may be asking those hands to go on an adventure later. Dirty grimey hands are not wanted on my face, my body, and certainly not on the little lady.
Ok I think that covers the basics... Go forth and suck face!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Oh Shit, If My Mom Finds Out...
OK, yesterday was my birthday. I am 32 years old, married with two children and a dog. I have a Master's degree and a successful career and yet I am still scared to death of my mother. A few months ago I bought the coolest pair of platform peeptoes. When I showed her a picture of them she thought that they were very cute, reasonably priced, and even asked why I didn't get them. Despite this, I knew if she knew that I had if fact bought them she would have given me hell... "You don't need any more shoes", "Stop spending money", etc., etc. The first time I wore them I wore flip flops because I was meeting my mom to hand off my kids before I went to work (she was watching them for the day) and hid them in my work bag and then changed shoes when I got to work.
Two weeks ago Sassy Pineapple and I celebrated my birthday early by going and getting new tattoos. For me it was my second tattoo. For SP, her first. So when my mom decided to make me dinner for my birthday what was I worried about... you guessed it. What the fuck was I going to do when she saw my tattoo. Or worse what would I do when my 3 year old went up to her and said "I don't like the flowers on mommy's foot" like he has been saying for the past two weeks.
So I got my first tattoo when I was 18 (for my birthday). I didn't tell my mom but she inevitabily found out about it. She was pissed. Being a good catholic all kinds of arguements were thrown out... I was going to hell, I was rash, it was a waste of money, why on earth would I mutilate my body, etc., etc. She was vocal, as she always is, and she did not approve. Well nothing has changed as I have aged. If she doesn't approve she let's loose. Her biggest point of contention... wasted money.
So, needless to say, my mom finding out about my new tattoo which is on the top of my foot and is bigger than my other tattoo is not on the top of my priority list. Actually what is on the top of my priority list is hiding it from her for as long as possible at all costs, because the lecture and bitch-fest that would ensue would be far more painful than two and a half hours of having the top of my foot tattooed.
So back to my birthday dinner... My husband was also of the mindset don't let mom know about the tattoo. He kept saying wear socks and tennis shoes. Ahh HELLO! The last time I checked it was summer and it was 85 degrees outside. Furthermore I hate wearing socks... I love ballet flats because it means I don't have to wear socks. And my mother would be totally tipped off. She knows me better than that. OK back the point. I ended up wearing a pair of Keen sandels and coyly moved my foot everytime my mom came near me.
SERIOUSLY... I am 32 years old and I am hiding shit from my mom like I did when I was in high school and living at home. When will it ever end....
Two weeks ago Sassy Pineapple and I celebrated my birthday early by going and getting new tattoos. For me it was my second tattoo. For SP, her first. So when my mom decided to make me dinner for my birthday what was I worried about... you guessed it. What the fuck was I going to do when she saw my tattoo. Or worse what would I do when my 3 year old went up to her and said "I don't like the flowers on mommy's foot" like he has been saying for the past two weeks.
So I got my first tattoo when I was 18 (for my birthday). I didn't tell my mom but she inevitabily found out about it. She was pissed. Being a good catholic all kinds of arguements were thrown out... I was going to hell, I was rash, it was a waste of money, why on earth would I mutilate my body, etc., etc. She was vocal, as she always is, and she did not approve. Well nothing has changed as I have aged. If she doesn't approve she let's loose. Her biggest point of contention... wasted money.
So, needless to say, my mom finding out about my new tattoo which is on the top of my foot and is bigger than my other tattoo is not on the top of my priority list. Actually what is on the top of my priority list is hiding it from her for as long as possible at all costs, because the lecture and bitch-fest that would ensue would be far more painful than two and a half hours of having the top of my foot tattooed.
So back to my birthday dinner... My husband was also of the mindset don't let mom know about the tattoo. He kept saying wear socks and tennis shoes. Ahh HELLO! The last time I checked it was summer and it was 85 degrees outside. Furthermore I hate wearing socks... I love ballet flats because it means I don't have to wear socks. And my mother would be totally tipped off. She knows me better than that. OK back the point. I ended up wearing a pair of Keen sandels and coyly moved my foot everytime my mom came near me.
SERIOUSLY... I am 32 years old and I am hiding shit from my mom like I did when I was in high school and living at home. When will it ever end....
Friday, June 11, 2010
I May be the Make-out Queen, But I Aint No Whore: Just because I open my mouth doesn't mean I'll open my pants!
What makes a good make-out session? Is it the kiss, the touch, what comes next, or everything in between? A good make-out session can be as good and as sensual as a good night of sex, but what makes it good? How come some guys know what to do, others don't have a clue, and others still, no matter how hard you try never get it. Sassy Pineapple and I have been asking friends and a couple of tattoo artists what makes a good make-out?
First, and foremost you need to be confident. There is nothing worse than not having the confidence to go in for the kiss in the first place. Case in point, my wonderful husband and our first kiss. We were in college (one would think between hormones, alcohol, and irresponsible youth we would be golden, but that was not the case) and our first VERY awkward kiss took place when I moved to kiss him from behind (meaning I was sitting behind him and was leaning around to kiss him) and he was leaning back to kiss me. Needless to say it was a mess. We missed each others mouths, we were at an awkward angle, it was just bad. Thank God we finally got ourselves facing each other because once we were face to face it was on.
Let me be clear, when I want to be kissed I want one of the following types of kisses, and it is your responsibility to know what I want when I want it: A) Soft sensual make-out sessions full of passion and desire; or B) Hot and heavy slam me against a wall, or throw me on a bed and kiss me until I can't remember my name. What I don't want under any circumstances is my face to be slobbered upon... When I was in high school one of my high school boyfriend's bathed my face in slobber every time we kissed. GROSS! Despite gentle coaching, the slobber fest continued. During the course of our relationship I felt like I had a constant rash around my mouth. In reality my poor mouth was chapped from all of the slobber being rubbed around my face. I swear it was like kissing a basset hound. Now I am not so vain as to let this be the sole reason for our breakup, but honestly I wasn't missing the kissing when he was gone.
On this topic, when being kissed tongue is not a requirement; however when having a good make-out session it is. Lets be clear people, Drew Barrymore said it best in the movie The Wedding Singer "not porno tongue... church tongue." Please do not go stabbing your tongue in my mouth. Don't try to choke me with it. We are not remaking the make-out version of deep throat and I am not Lindsay Lohan. Tongue should be used gently, subtly, and it should build upon itself. Slow and tentative at first building to more frequent and more dominate.
As I said in the title, just because I want a good make-out does not mean I want to have sex. And while a good make out session can lead to sex it is not a guarantee. So here are a few guidelines for your hands. While I might want your tongue in my mouth and your hands roaming my body, making out is not an invitation to break open my pants a take your hands from a probe. Thank you, but when I want the little lady explored I will send you on an expedition, until then hands off. The best way to use you hands is a soft stroke on the face, gently cupping the face in your hands as you move in for the kiss. Brushing my hair out of my eyes or off my neck and trailing gentle kisses as you move the hair aside. Trail kisses down my jaw and back to my mouth. A gentle nibble (NEVER BITE) on the lip... my preference is the upper lip (but to each there own)and most sensual place to stimulate the mouth during kissing... just under the upper lip between the lip and the gum. If you can get a zing there you will have your girl hooked (well at least this girl and sassy pineapple).
The bottomline is the most important thing is talk to your partner. If you don't like something they are doing, tell them. If you want them to do something different tell them, and if you want them to do more of the same let them know. When I am talking about sex to my teenage clients I generally tell them if you can't talk about it you shouldn't be doing it. I guess the same is true. If you can't discuss how to have a great make-out session with your partner maybe he or she isn't the right partner. And if your playing the field, when you need a towel to wipe your face after a make-out session it is time to move on.
First, and foremost you need to be confident. There is nothing worse than not having the confidence to go in for the kiss in the first place. Case in point, my wonderful husband and our first kiss. We were in college (one would think between hormones, alcohol, and irresponsible youth we would be golden, but that was not the case) and our first VERY awkward kiss took place when I moved to kiss him from behind (meaning I was sitting behind him and was leaning around to kiss him) and he was leaning back to kiss me. Needless to say it was a mess. We missed each others mouths, we were at an awkward angle, it was just bad. Thank God we finally got ourselves facing each other because once we were face to face it was on.
Let me be clear, when I want to be kissed I want one of the following types of kisses, and it is your responsibility to know what I want when I want it: A) Soft sensual make-out sessions full of passion and desire; or B) Hot and heavy slam me against a wall, or throw me on a bed and kiss me until I can't remember my name. What I don't want under any circumstances is my face to be slobbered upon... When I was in high school one of my high school boyfriend's bathed my face in slobber every time we kissed. GROSS! Despite gentle coaching, the slobber fest continued. During the course of our relationship I felt like I had a constant rash around my mouth. In reality my poor mouth was chapped from all of the slobber being rubbed around my face. I swear it was like kissing a basset hound. Now I am not so vain as to let this be the sole reason for our breakup, but honestly I wasn't missing the kissing when he was gone.
On this topic, when being kissed tongue is not a requirement; however when having a good make-out session it is. Lets be clear people, Drew Barrymore said it best in the movie The Wedding Singer "not porno tongue... church tongue." Please do not go stabbing your tongue in my mouth. Don't try to choke me with it. We are not remaking the make-out version of deep throat and I am not Lindsay Lohan. Tongue should be used gently, subtly, and it should build upon itself. Slow and tentative at first building to more frequent and more dominate.
As I said in the title, just because I want a good make-out does not mean I want to have sex. And while a good make out session can lead to sex it is not a guarantee. So here are a few guidelines for your hands. While I might want your tongue in my mouth and your hands roaming my body, making out is not an invitation to break open my pants a take your hands from a probe. Thank you, but when I want the little lady explored I will send you on an expedition, until then hands off. The best way to use you hands is a soft stroke on the face, gently cupping the face in your hands as you move in for the kiss. Brushing my hair out of my eyes or off my neck and trailing gentle kisses as you move the hair aside. Trail kisses down my jaw and back to my mouth. A gentle nibble (NEVER BITE) on the lip... my preference is the upper lip (but to each there own)and most sensual place to stimulate the mouth during kissing... just under the upper lip between the lip and the gum. If you can get a zing there you will have your girl hooked (well at least this girl and sassy pineapple).
The bottomline is the most important thing is talk to your partner. If you don't like something they are doing, tell them. If you want them to do something different tell them, and if you want them to do more of the same let them know. When I am talking about sex to my teenage clients I generally tell them if you can't talk about it you shouldn't be doing it. I guess the same is true. If you can't discuss how to have a great make-out session with your partner maybe he or she isn't the right partner. And if your playing the field, when you need a towel to wipe your face after a make-out session it is time to move on.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
